part of the turn

I’m slowly working my way through Henri Nouwen’s The Return of the Prodigal Son and so far, this book is changing me. I’m reading it devotionally- a page or two at a time - and really trying to let the depth of Nouwen’s insights settle in me.

In my reading today I came across this passage:

Here lies the core of my spiritual struggle: the struggle against self-rejection, self-contempt, and self-loathing. It is a very fierce battle because the world and its demons conspire to make me think about myself as worthless, useless and negligible. Many consumerist economies stay afloat by manipulating the the low self-esteem of their consumers and by creating spiritual expectations through material means. As long as I am kept “small”, I can easily be seduced to buy things, meet people, or go places that promise a radical change in self-concept even though they are totally incapable of bringing this about. But every time I allow myself to be this manipulated or seduced, I will have still more reasons for putting myself down and seeing myself as the unwanted child. (107)

I’ve been there. I think we all have. When we think that more stuff or more people can satisfy the spiritual needs of my life. I have a friend that, as we speak, has succumbed to this very issue so fully that is incapable of finding any comfort in the knowledge that He is Christ’s beloved child.

So how do I avoid following the same path? Nouwen find’s his worth when he looks, “through God’s eyes at my lost self and discover God’s joy at my coming home, then my life may become less anguished and more trusting”. (107)

The truth that I am God’s child and that he loves me and pursues me is one truth that has the potential to change me so deeply yet, at times, it seems so hard for the truth to find a deep resting place in my heart.

Want to find out more about Henri Nouwen?
Henri Nouwen on Wikipedia
See who’s blogging about Henri Nouwen via Tenchnorati
The Holy Inefficiency Of Henri Nouwen by Philip Yancy